This past year has been a blur.
I had thought to do some lovely little recap of my 2011 highlights and then make a few resolutions for 2012 but I don't think I can.
I see 2011 in bits and pieces when I close my eyes. It's a small montage of Polar Plunge and Munchkin birthdays and everyone reproducing and babies everywhere. It's The Munchkins' very first road trip vacation and the annual canoe trip and zombiewalk and a significant amount of sewing on my part. It's a lot of exposure to the kidlets and far too little to the other various important people over the course of the year anywhere other than in my own living room. I feel like, after a few years of finally coming out of my bubble and being social I took two giant steps backward this past year. I lost my weekends off. And, while it meant additional time with The Munchkins, it also meant an increase in their attitude and a significant decrease in my patience levels. I have not been the parent I wanted to be this year. And I find myself being resentful more than I would like. And tired. And grouchy. And I don't know how to fix that without taking some time off to myself. Which isn't going to happen any time soon.
I see 2011 in bits and pieces when I close my eyes. It's a small montage of Polar Plunge and Munchkin birthdays and everyone reproducing and babies everywhere. It's The Munchkins' very first road trip vacation and the annual canoe trip and zombiewalk and a significant amount of sewing on my part. It's a lot of exposure to the kidlets and far too little to the other various important people over the course of the year anywhere other than in my own living room. I feel like, after a few years of finally coming out of my bubble and being social I took two giant steps backward this past year. I lost my weekends off. And, while it meant additional time with The Munchkins, it also meant an increase in their attitude and a significant decrease in my patience levels. I have not been the parent I wanted to be this year. And I find myself being resentful more than I would like. And tired. And grouchy. And I don't know how to fix that without taking some time off to myself. Which isn't going to happen any time soon.
And now, as I gaze out into what will be 2012, I am terrified.
My touchstone is moving. Permanently. And I have put off thinking about it until I absolutely have to. Because, frankly, putting a deadline on things makes it all too real. And while I do well with deadlines on projects, I do not do well with deadlines on relationships. So I have stubbornly, benignly, and in all other ways ignored the fact that he's leaving as much as humanly possible. I am, plainly speaking, going to be a mess.
So I'm putting off making any resolutions until January passes on, and the rest of my heart with it.
So I'm putting off making any resolutions until January passes on, and the rest of my heart with it.
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