A Case of the Sads

a case of the sads...

 

I have one.

I do.

I hate that.

 

There I am, minding my own business. Doing what I do, and one hateful word from one person who shouldn't matter, and I'm mired in a pea soup fog of sad.

It's the kind that settles in, heavy, in your toes and curls up around the muscles in your calves and quads and starts to ache. It runs rings around the pit of your stomach, never quite settling, like a good case of dread would; but just sort of making you queasy and unsure of your worth... Clouding your ability to separate the love from the liars. And some days? Some days it's impossible to shake loose. Sometimes you just need to wallow in it and get it out of your system.

 

And it happens, sometimes, even in the midst of lovely things. It springs up at you at two of the A.M. while curled up against another person. It swoops low and attacks while building spreadsheets at work. It sneaks into the meat of emails without your meaning to include it. It makes you tired but not sleepy. Wanting but never quite satisfied. Lethargic.

 

Three days from now hopefully, I'll look back and think "duh. PMS" But when I'm smack dab in the middle of it?

It's just the sads.

 

 

 

Fat Quarters & the Stash

I've got quite the fabric stash going at home right now.

There are piles everywhere, in nearly every room.

And I've got several clear-sided small-ish bins full of fat quarters and haphazardly folded bits and pieces of material.

Sometimes I like to take it all out and lay it on the floor just so I can look at it.

I need to devise a better way to keep track of all that loveliness so that I can enjoy it even when it's put away...

Something along the lines of these:

*sigh*

I want my own sewing/crafting room so badly... 

Lent

Lent

I don't usually go into matters of religion here.

And frankly, I don't know why. It's a big part of who I am, whether I discuss it openly or not.

I am Catholic.
 

And, it is Lent (well, it will be. Wednesday).

That's kiiiiind of a big deal in the Catholic church, the prep-season for the cornerstone of our religion and all...readying ourselves for the resurrection... maybe you've heard of it? Or maybe you've seen friends, coworkers, total strangers wandering about a few Wednesdays before Easter with a big black smudge on their forehead that vaguely resembles the sign of the cross? Over heard them talking about giving up chocolate and/or the after-dinner-beer for the next few weeks? All part and parcel.

And so, in this year's Lenten season, I've decided to work on The Temple. Inside and Out. To prepare myself not only physically for Easter (a sister's gotta lose a few pounds in order to eat Reese's Eggs and Palmers Bunnies for three meals a day guilt-free), but also spiritually, to make myself an open and welcome place for Christ to dwell not just this time of year, but year round. 

I'm reconfirming my dedication to the daily workout. And to the weekly Mass services. I've been a rather lapsed Catholic the past year or so.

I was fairly hard core in my faith a few years ago, turning to church and mass and mid-day services a few blocks from work when the marriage fell apart (i.e. when I needed Him the most). And, sadly, when things started to calm down in many areas of my life; and sanity levels returned to their normal, operable levels; my active faithlife dwindled as well.  Shouldn't it have been the opposite? Shouldn't I have redoubled my efforts to give thanks for all that I had?  All I can really say is...Oops.

Do Over?

Sure. I've got an endless tab on the Do Over column. At least in my faith life. When I truly mean it. It's kind of one of the great things about Catholicism...that whole forgiveness aspect of faith. I mean sure...you've got the inherent guilt but how else would you balance out that absolute forgiveness when one asks for it??

So Do Over it is.  I have not done all that I can in matters of faith this past year. I have not attended church regularly. I have all but abandoned my sacramental life. And, most importantly of all, I have been lax in my instruction of faith to The Munchkins. THAT, more than anything, makes me sad when I reflect upon it.  In the spinning plate game of parent-hood? I let a biggie drop. 

But I'm working on it... I'm re-dedicating myself... updates as they arrive, folks.

Ever yours,

A Work in Progress.

A Day in the Life...

A Day in the Life...

Here's a bit of entertainment for you.

I've got Friday off (Yes. Again. Long live the unpaid Furlough Friday!)

I've currently got several lists going.

It's what I do.

List 1 looks something like this:

Groceries

Fruit

O.J.

chicken breasts

tortillas

salsa

ground beef (x3)

lasagna noodles

ricotta cheese

tomato soup

velveeta

trash bags

t.p.

milk

cherry coke (?)*

CLOROX WIPES!** 

*I put that question mark in parentheses like I'm debating the purchase... I'm not. Not really. I'll definitely be getting that.

** Clorox Wipes is in all caps because it is the worlds most perfect cleaning tool. Ever.

JoAnne Fabrics

Khaki for jumpers

Blue twill? Seersucker (for boys jacket/Easter jacket)

Bias Tape (because I'm lazy)

Exacto Knife Blades

Muslin

Cotton Quilting

Lghtwght/Chiffon/misc. for circle skirts

Check Remnants!!!! (for pillowcoverings)

 

List 2 looks something like this: 

Isabelle's birthday gift idea list...

Uniform jumper

blue tights

white tights

black tights

red tights

Justin Bieber CD

Spring/Summer Tees - applique? fabric paint?

Circle Skirts (x2?)

List 3 is entertaining and optimistic...

To Do:

1. Clean House

2. Laundry Load 1

3. Laundry Load 2

4. Grocery

5. JoAnne Fabrics

6. Library - Return Movies

7. Pattern Prep for Circle Skirts & Sweater Vest redux. projects (for tonight/this weekend)

List 4 is awesome. 

I like to plan out my days off...

(ALSO hiiiighly optimistic)

8:00am - Munchkin Drop off

8:30am - Meijers/Groceries

9:00am - JoAnne Fabrics

10:00am - Clean House. Start Laundry Load #1

11;30am - Break for Lunch. Start Laundry Load #2

12:30 - Circle Skirt & sweater vest Pattern Prep/cutout

2:00pm - Head to the DayCare to take my turn reading Dr. Seuss for half an hour!

3:15pm - Return Books to library. Check to see if there are any good movies to rent for the kids

3:45pm - Head Home, Unpack book bag, prep for dinner, start to miss the kiddos, get a few pattern pieces pinned together for later that night

5:00pm - Munchkin Pick up!

THAT list is entertaining moooooostly because my day will, in all truthfulness turn out more like this than anything else...

8:00am - Munchkin Drop off

8:15am - Realize I've left my debit card at home, run home to get it, decide to finish off the last cup of coffee lingering in the pot

8:30am - just one more page until I finish this chapter...okay...maybe one more chapter... then I'm getting up

9:00am - accidentally fall asleep on the couch

11:30am - wake up disoriented, sure that it's 7am and we're all late for school, dash madly about the living room until I realize I'm the only one home.

12:00 - Might as well eat, I'm still home.

12:30 - Contemplate a run, decide to do some yoga instead

12:35 - Realizing I've been rather lax in my yoga of late, and decide Friday's a bad day to get back into practice

12:40 - Root around the video bin for my Jillian Michael 30-Day Shred video

12:50 - Curse Jillian Michaels in 3 languages. Turn off video disgustedly

1:00 - Debate whether I've worked up enough sweat to actually need to shower or not

2:00 - Dr. Seuss Day at the Daycare!

2:30 - Lament the lack of time to get to JoAnne's & back before school lets out

2:45 - Murder at least an hour at the Downtown Library riding the escalators, checking out obscure cookbooks, reading in my favorite corner

4:15 - Decide I desperately miss the Munchkins & decide to pick them up early from school so we can go home & make pizza.

[shrugs]

oh well!

Furlough Friday Here I Come!

be kind

Smitten

you know those dates where you talk and talk and talk and almost forget you have food in front of you?

where an hour flies by in a heartbeat?

where you want just one more word...one more glance...one more kiss...one more handmade potato chip dipped in hot cheddar bacon dip?

i just had one of those.

you still surprise me sometimes. in the best of ways.

Family

I am so blessed to have so many amazing people in my life...

I have a family that has remained close-knit despite the states, and sometimes countries, that have separated us. We may not have Fourth of July Parades or Bike races around the cul-de-sac or secret club meetings in the Tack Room any more, but the Christmas Program and the Martin Family Times live on in infamy [he's more than famous... he's INfamous...lookuphere!lookuphere!up!up!high!high!].
I could come to them with anything without reservation. And frequently do... They make my heart smile. They make my whole body hurt from laughing so hard when we get together. They bring horrible beer so that I can win the Annual Birthday Beer Tasting Competition [tie? what?! Thanks for bringing the two-hearted ale, Kelly! hahaha]. They remain at my side, no matter what...no matter who.. no matter when... and I would do the same for them without question. Family First. Always.

I have an extended family of aunts, uncles and cousins that has gotten closer in recent times thanks to social networking and picture sharing. We no longer run rings around the Thanksgiving table after being excused, or chase each other with croquet mallets in the backyard in Springfield...but we've birthed an entire new generation about ready to do it for us...while we sit back and watch with bemused smiles on our faces. I get such a joy out of seeing pictures of everyone's vacations, kids, projects, hobbies, new families online. It makes the miles between families not seem so insurmountable sometimes.

 

I have an extended, extended family of ex-laws that, at times I have lost touch with, but with whom I share a special connection through The Munchkins (and sometimes through lunch and through crafting!) without whom, at times, I would be completely at a loss. They are my family, too. And always will be. Regardless of paperwork, because those bonds were forged in love and mutual respect. And I've never been one to think that family is only made up of those people you are related to, but also of those you hold dear to your heart. And I do. They help form that ever-necessary support network in my daily life. The saying "it takes a village to raise a child"? That applies here too. In spades. And The Munchkins (& I) are so fortunate to have them in our lives.

 

I have a network of friends and superfriends and bestfriends that serve as a giant landing cushion of support, for those times when I decide to leap first and ask questions later. They are my rocks and my hard places. They are the pillars I hide behind and arms that enfold me when the world gets to be too much. They, with a nod, a smile, a word, a caress, get me. And I could ask for no better family than this, the one that I actually get to choose for myself. It includes people that I've known since the age of four, all the way up to people who I've known for a few months; but I can't imagine my life without them.

 

I'm feeling a titch sentimental today, and I have the non-committed minutes with which to explore it, and so I have.

 

I am better for having all of you in my life.

And so are The Munchkins.

The End.