Things I Actually Said Out Loud This Morning:

Things I actually said this morning:

What did I just step in?

No, your baby doll does not have asthma.

Do you have your shoes on yet?

Yes, you do have to wear a shirt to school.

No, your socks do not have to match, just put them on.

Do you have your shoes on yet?

No you don’t have ebola, and even if you did I would still send you to school today.

Did you just eat that entire chocolate bunny for breakfast?

Yes, Mommys are too allowed to have blue underwear. Yours have Spongebob on them, am I looking at you like you’re crazy?

No, I don’t know how many heads a Hydra would have if you cut them all off twice. It’s too early for math.

What is your bookbag doing there anyway?

Are you wearing two different shoes? No, I won’t make you change, I’m just glad you have them on.

Has anyone seen your sister?

Well if I  left my ipod on repeat playing Brick House all night, it would kill the battery same as yours.

 

No, I don’t think I can guess which one is the green ninja, you’ll have to just tell me.

Yes you can get your ears pierced, just not today.

No, not tomorrow either.

Who took all the change off my dresser?

Are you wearing my shirt?

Yes you have time for breakfast, no it cannot be ice cream with chocolate sauce.

No I do not want to hear the orange and banana joke again.

Yes I would love to hear you practice your speech in the shower.

No we cannot listen to that Yo Gabba Gabba song in the car.
Well, mostly because it makes me stabby.

Stabby? Well. It’s. You know what? I’ll tell you when you’re older.

No you’re not older enough yet.

…and you people wonder why I drink…