Wednesday, December 29, 2010

How Mortifying...

So I ran to Kmart on my lunch break because I needed, among other things: milk, donuts & trashbags. And this sort of thing is best done on my lunch hour rather than with three small munchkins in tow.
(this is the least interesting part of my story)
While there I found myself stuck behind a slow-moving human barricade of flannel and fun.

Three men built like WWF wrestlers were shuffling up the aisle in front of me, all of us headed to the check out lanes. There was no way around them, the store being ridiculously busy for noon on a Wednesday.
Two of the three man mountains wore flannel, all three had mullets. It was one of those moments I would have given ANYthing for a camera phone. Several times during the slo-mo-shuffle they stop. for NO apparent reason other than to ogle the 35% off Seasonal decor.

So, finally, after several unsuccessful attempts to alert them to my presence hot on their heels (coughs, ahems and muffled sneezes to no avail) I say:

"Excuse me."
"Excuse me?"
"Excuse me! Sir! Can I slip by you please?"

They all three turn around as one.

SO not a group of men.
So SO SOOOOOOOOO not a group of men.

I was mortified.
I mumbled an apology and very literally turned tail and RAN down the aisle, afraid the three largest women I'd ever seen were going to chase me down and beat me up.

My face still flames hot & embarrassed just thinking about it.


  1. Laughing at your misfortune has truly made my day! I know it brings you absolutely no consolation. Just steer clear of that Kmart for awhile. :)

  2. This reminds me of one of my most embarrassing moments ever, and Patrick, who was probably about 8 at the time, was there to witness the event and tell everyone about it for weeks to come. It was while we were on route to a vacation destination out west and we needed a few things while on the road, the most important being a deck of cards to help pass the time. We stopped at a Target (because they are all organized the same, right?), but after searching unsuccessfully decided to find help. We spotted a red-vested employee dressed in jeans, basketball sneakers, a long-sleeved cowboy-type shirt and sporting a short, but messy hair-cut walking away from us down an aisle. I hurried to catch up and all of what happened next occurred in a spit-second. "Sir," I called out. The red-vested employee turned immediately and realizing this was not the male face I expected to see to go with the outfit I quickly revised my salutation and said "m'am." But as soon as I said it I knew that wasn't necessarily accurate either, and so I proceeded to blurt out "whatever"! OMG, what could be worse? I glanced at Patrick and he was horror-struck. I quickly asked where to find cards and scurried away as fast as I could. The only thing that kept Patrick's criticism in check was that he couldn't tell either whether the red-vested Target employee was a sir or a m'am. And neither of us had the wherewithal to look for a name tag in the heat of those few seconds. Afterwards, I just prayed that my faux pas didn't cause or exacerbate any gender identity issues for the embarrassed, red-vested Target emloyee.

  3. Ahhhhh-hahahaha!!!!

    I'm laughing with you and not at you. Unless it's still to fresh. Then, in that case, I'm laughing at you. ;)

  4. Wow! I was laughing quietly to myself and then I read Aunt Rosemary's comment and now I'm laughing out loud!


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