Quotable

"I am lonely, yet not everybody will do.

I don't know why, some people fille the

gaps and others emphasize my lonliness.

In reality those who satisfy me are those

who simply allow me to live with my idea of them.

-Amais Nin 

It takes a Village

"We made that" the ex-hubs nudges me with an elbow, smiling and nodding toward our nine-year old perched on a riser at the front of the school gym, singing with the choir.

"Yes," I agree, recalling the obstinate tilt to her head & the tip of her tongue that peeked out in concentration earlier when she was accompanying on the xylophone. "But I think there's more of you than me in there today..." her crystal blue eyes flash up at us with a quick pre-teen twist of a smile lobbed at us both, squeezed from her almost painfully in front of the throngs of parents and friends in attendance.

The strains of Carole King's 'You've Got a Friend' bring pinpricks of tears to the backs of my eyes, and I glance up at the gym rafters and blink. Hard.

"Nah" he continues. "She practices! That's all you...that dedication"
I snort softly, instantly taken back to days of endlesd band rehearsals and auditions. These kids all have their father's music in them at a cellular level. It sems like just yesterday they were climbing into his guitar case, curling up in the body of it like a nest While he picked out a tune & crooned soft, nonsense lyrics to them as toddlers. A lifetime ago.

But it's comfortable,  this patter between us.

Meanwhile, our youngest slips her hand stealthily into Penny's a few feet away, and my phone vibrates, a message from The Captain. And I marvel at how lucky we are to have built such a cocoon around The Munchkins. To have found people so willing to accept them into their hearts.


Co-parenting is a rough road. Whether you live in one house or two, whether there are one,  two or four of you, it's just rough. And it takes time to hone out what everyone's roles are along the way. There's no right answer,  no cookie cutter that fits everyone. You try and fail and try again.  Our village is ever-changing, ever-expanding.

We've clawed our way into a good place, though, think.

And for this I am so, so grateful.

default settings

Happy is not everyone's default setting.    And that's okay.

There's a lot of beauty that can come out of sadness. Out of anxiety. Out of being uncomfortable.

Scrap Bin

This morning was an rough morning.

The girls were bickering.

Everyone's cereal was 'too soggy'

The Boychild locked himself in the bathroom.

I was on my knees removing a doorknob at 7:40 this morning.

I cried, very quietly, the entire car ride from school to work.

It was one of those mornings that makes me question if I'm doing the right thing here.

You know?

Yep. you know.

You have those mornings too. I know you do.

It's what keeps me moving.

 this weekend I let The Munchkins play in the scrap bin and this is what we came up with

 These little guys are just filled with beans & polyfil (beans help them sit up a bit better).
They're cotton flannel bodes + felt faces & accessories. All three came together in about an hour and the kids got a kick out of stuffing their own dolls, picking out body & hair & eye color, picking faces and expressions...

speaking of expressions - this kid lost her first front tooth this past weekend. She lisps now. I make her say difficult words just to hear the soft shushing sound of her tongue sliding between her teeth.

Snowcreme

What's to do when the snow outside is accumulating faster than you can shovel it?

Make Snowpocalypse Treats of course!

Snowcreme How To:
Hands-On Time: 10 minutes
Ready In: 10 minutes
Yield: Serves 4 excited children (or two VERY excited adults!)

Ingredients: 1 cup half and half or milk
1/3 to 1/2 cup granulated sugar (adjust to your taste)
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
4 to 6 cups clean, freshly fallen snow

Directions: In a large bowl combine milk, vanilla extract and sugar. Stir until sugar is dissolved, about 3 minutes.Stir in snow, a cup at a time, until the ice cream magically forms! Freeze for several minutes if desired before serving.

Resolutionists

2014

Instead of striving for happiness I will try to be grateful. I will make time to make art. I will walk slowly. I will stride I will read. I will try to learn what my fear is so desperately trying to teach me. I will make stress my friend, instead of just the crazy friend that has been living on my couch the past few years. I will travel, even if it is just outside the boundaries I have made for myself. I will endeavor to appreciate all that I have without adding the "but wouldn't it be great if..." caveat to everything I do. I will strive to remember that I am enough. I will be great. I will wake up early and breathe deeply. I will run...far and fast and for the pure joy of it. I will play more. I will make less rules, but follow those that I have put in place. I will take fewer pictures, but make the ones I do take, count. I will be open to the possibility of love.

And...because I can...here's 2013 in (picture) review